


The second Christmas date

by Nanoukx



Category: League of Legends RPF
Genre: Christmas Fluff, M/M, Oneshot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:41:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28104891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nanoukx/pseuds/Nanoukx
Summary: Martin takes Rasmus, his former boyfriend, out on a Christmas date, trying to make up for the last time they had went out on Christmas together. Despite his bad experience, Rasmus lets himself be talked into it. Is he going to watch history repeat itself? Or did Martin manage to change over the past few years?
Relationships: Martin "Rekkles" Larsson/Rasmus "Caps" Winther
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29
Collections: DreamServer 2020 Advent Event





	The second Christmas date

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, hello!  
> Here is day 16 of the advent calendar!  
> I have never posted on AO3 before, ahhh, I’m so nervous!!! 
> 
> I hope you like the story and I hope you have a wonderful day! Have fun reading! <3

“Martin, you really don’t have to do this,” Rasmus said, meaning that his friend really shouldn’t do it.  
“Yes, I do, okay? Trust me, this is going to be nice!”  
Martin smiled at Rasmus, insecure but eager.  
There was no way Rasmus could back out now, not anymore. He should have just sent Martin a text this morning, should have written “I’m sorry, I don’t feel well” (meaning “I really don’t want to come”). By now, he had clearly missed his chance, and the excited Swede in his doorway was the most damning piece of evidence.  
“What’s your plan anyways?” Rasmus asked, giving his former boyfriend a hesitant smile. “Just tell me, it’s alright.”

_Please, just tell me, don’t make this more awkward for the both of us._

“I thought you liked surprises,” Martin said, as Rasmus bent down to tie his shoes and grab his jacket. When Rasmus looked back up at the Swede’s face, he looked seriously troubled. He frowned, confused and a little guilty. Maybe he should give Martin a chance.  
“Yes… I do…” Rasmus eventually stuttered, wondering at what point Martin had begun caring about his liking for surprises. It definitely hadn’t been a topic during their relationship.  
“Then come on, I got us a taxi.”  
Rasmus sighed, following Martin down the staircase, neither speaking a word the entire way down. It was a disconcerting quiet, both men seemingly buried too deep in their own thoughts to be able to keep up a conversation.  
Rasmus definitely didn’t feel like talking. Memories of the last time something like this had happened were flooding his mind, drowning out every bit of excitement he might have felt otherwise. Christmas dates weren’t exactly Martin’s thing, they never had been, and Rasmus didn’t know why he had to reopen old wounds like this. They had ended this act of appeasement, or rather lack thereof, two years ago, when Rasmus had suddenly left Fnatic. Why Martin felt the need to dig up their relationship troubles again after joining G2, triggering flashback after flashback for Rasmus, was beyond him.  
I really should have stayed in bed, Rasmus thought as they entered the taxi, his mind falling back into memories he had thought were long forgotten.

❆ ❆ ❆

_“Martin!” Rasmus grinned, hurrying through the hallway of the gaming house to greet his boyfriend by giving him the merriest of kisses. He arrived at the desks, where Martin was sitting, sunken deep into a match. “Hey, hello, notice me?”  
Rasmus laughed, moving one side of Martin’s headset off his ear.  
“Hey, Caps,” he mumbled, gaze not leaving the screen for a single second. “What’s up?”  
Rasmus frowned, letting himself fall down on the chair next to Martin’s. He was still wearing his jacket and shoes, ready to leave immediately like they had planned.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I just asked what’s up?”  
The Swede’s brows twitched a little, but Rasmus couldn’t make out whether the irritation was directed at the game or at him.  
“Aren’t you ready to go?”  
“Ready to go where?”  
Now Martin turned to look at Rasmus, obviously confused. Rasmus couldn’t believe it.  
“Are you telling me you forgot?”  
“Forgot what?”  
As soon as Martin’s words left his mouth, it seemed to dawn on him. His eyes widened a little, his lips forming a circle. “Oh shit, right.”  
Rasmus stared at his boyfriend, struggling to find words. Martin couldn’t have seriously forgotten their Christmas date. They had been planning this for forever. Or, well, Rasmus had been planning this for forever. He had been so excited to go out, buy presents with his boyfriend, drink mulled wine or hot chocolate and stroll through Berlin’s beautiful Christmas market.  
“Oh, well…” Rasmus mumbled, awkwardly biting his lip. Martin shifted in his seat. “Happens, we can go after your game, can’t we?”  
“Uh…” Martin hammered on his keyboard, concentrating for a moment, then nodded slowly. “Sure, I guess… I’ll… finish the match.”  
He didn’t even smile, eyes still fixed on his monitor._

❆ ❆ ❆

Martin and Rasmus left the car and arrived in Berlin’s downtown, hands buried deep into their pockets, noses and cheeks reddened by the cold. They still hadn’t started talking yet, quietly strolling next to each other as if they were complete strangers. It hurt.  
“So, uh…” Rasmus mumbled, looking at Martin with raised brows. Now that he was here and he couldn’t back out, he wanted to try to make this event more comfortable for both of them. “You said that you planned something?”  
“Yes!” Martin nodded, the unsure smile reappearing on his face. “Or, well… not really planned… I just… thought you might want to visit the Christmas market? It’s nice in the evening.”  
Rasmus choked back a laugh, heart racing, feeling like he’d been thrown back into the past. In an attempt to cover up his blunder, he quickly retorted:  
“So you’ve been here before?”  
Martin hurriedly shook his head, mouth slightly open.  
“No, no, I haven’t. I just heard… that it’s nice.”  
As I expected, Rasmus thought.  
“We can turn back, if you want,” Martin said , halting in the snow when Rasmus didn’t reply. Rasmus turned to him. What? he thought. No! Not at all!  
“No, I love Christmas markets!” Rasmus replied, sounding a little too eager for his liking. He didn’t want to show Martin his sudden excitement, too scared he might send the wrong signal. Martin answered with a small smile.  
“Well, nice… I do too.”  
Rasmus smiled back and they continued walking in silence. 

The Christmas market was beautiful. The wooden booths were covered in immaculate white snow and embellished with golden or twinkling lights, adding a magical glimmer everywhere you looked. All kinds of people were bustling in between the makeshift alleyways, laughing and smiling and celebrating the most beautiful time of the year. It immediately warmed Rasmus’s heart, loosening the tension in his shoulders. He might not know what Martin intended to achieve with this time travel-esque excursion, but that didn’t mean Rasmus couldn’t enjoy it, right?  
The two silently passed past the first couple of booths, looking around in nervous excitement. When it became clear Martin wasn’t able to come up with another conversational topic, Rasmus helped him out once more.  
“It’s a nice surprise,” he smiled.  
“It is?” Martin replied, gaze carefully glued to the snow under their feet.  
“Yeah, I didn’t expect you to take me here.”  
Now Martin’s eyes found Rasmus’s. He looked like he wanted to say “me neither”.  
“I think that’s a good thing, no?”  
Rasmus shrugged. It was an awkward answer, but an honest one.

They strolled through the merry alleyways a little longer, listening to the sounds of chatter and festive music, smelling mulled wine, candies, and at some point even a small pet zoo. They looked through homemade scarves and toques and gloves, through small pretty bracelets and animal-shaped candles, embroidery and carvings, until Martin eventually invited Rasmus to drink a cup of hot chocolate. Rasmus immediately agreed. With the hot mugs in their hands, they settled at a small folding table next to the beverage booth, the sound of German Christmas music swirling around their ears. Rasmus tried to take a sip from his mug and burned his tongue. Martin noticed and smiled.  
“Watch out, it’s hot.”  
“I mean, the drink is literally called hot chocolate,” Rasmus replied, reciprocating the smile.  
“Didn’t seem like you knew, just saying.”  
Martin held the rim of the mug to his lips, trying to drink the beverage himself. He quickly seemed to come to the same conclusion as Rasmus.  
“Watch out, it’s hot,” Rasmus mocked. Martin grinned.  
They bantered back and forth a little until Rasmus couldn’t keep his question inside any longer. They had to stop beating around the bush.  
“Is there a specific reason you chose to take me here?” he asked, acting completely oblivious. Martin looked a little flustered, but not surprised. He bit his lips, obviously thinking hard about how to express his mind. Rasmus wouldn’t ever have admitted it out loud, but the sight of Martin struggling to address the incredibly large, festive elephant in the room pleased him, and even made him forget a little about the pain Martin’s careless and negligent attitude had caused him in the past.

❆ ❆ ❆

_Rasmus didn’t know whether he had accidentally led Martin to the gloomiest and most desolate Christmas market that had ever been arranged, or whether it was Martin’s terrible mood that made his day so incredibly doleful, but he knew he didn’t enjoy it at all. The couple’s stroll between the makeshift booths felt more like the dismal walk to a burial than a joyful date.  
“Are you sure you don’t want to drink anything?” Rasmus asked his boyfriend carefully. There wasn’t a single thing to suggest their closeness; they weren’t even holding hands. The usual absence of affectionate gestures in public had been Martin’s decision, but Rasmus respected it. If his boyfriend didn’t feel comfortable making the relationship a little more public, he didn’t either.  
“Yeah, I don’t,” Martin replied dryly.  
“Would you mind if I do?” Rasmus asked tentatively. “Or we could get candied apples or roasted almonds, if you’d like?”  
“Didn’t you want to buy presents today, too?” Martin asked. Rasmus lifted his gaze to look at him, the beautiful and kind man he still couldn’t believe he was allowed to call his boyfriend. He looked distant now, his serious face seeming like it was carved out of stone, his reddened cheeks the only thing giving away that he wasn’t a walking wax figure.  
“Yes…?” Rasmus replied. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t spend time here together? I thought this was supposed to be… something like a date?”  
Now Martin looked back into Rasmus’s eyes, flinching a little. Rasmus’s heart skipped a beat.  
“Oh, yeah, but I have to be back in the office at 6.”  
“Okay, okay, no problem,” Rasmus rambled, eager to please his boyfriend, trying not to think about why Martin had decided to schedule something when they had been planning for ages to spend time together. Work was very important to Martin, work, work, work, achieve this, achieve that, meeting here, meeting there - Rasmus could live with that. Of course he could. Why couldn’t he?  
Rasmus took out his phone to check the clock.  
“I mean, that means we still have…”  
His voice dropped, keeping his formerly excited mood company. “Two hours.”  
Two hours? Martin couldn’t be serious. But then again, was Martin ever anything but serious?  
“Okay, I think twenty minutes here should be fine, and then we should probably make our way to the shopping center, if we want to get everything done in time,” Martin was already planning. Rasmus remained silent, letting him do it despite the ache in his chest. He was glad that at least Martin had finally started talking._

❆ ❆ ❆

“I thought it would be nice,” Martin stuttered. “I mean, I knew you liked all this… Christmas stuff and…”  
“Christmas stuff?” Rasmus laughed.  
Martin smiled a little awkwardly.  
“You know, Christmas markets, presents, the lights and atmosphere, people standing in line for hours to pay 6 euros for a waffle…”  
Rasmus couldn’t stop grinning, even though he knew they still hadn’t gotten to the main part of the trip. If Martin wasn’t alright with addressing the issue between them right now, he could still ask about it again later. There was no need to sour the mood immediately after easing it a little. In fact, Rasmus found himself thoroughly enjoying the unexpectedly soothing atmosphere. He hadn’t experienced such a quiet understanding lately, even less back when he and Martin had still been a couple. He allowed himself to bathe in the warmth of caring, compassionate company a tad longer.  
“You still remember,” Rasmus said. “That’s cute.”  
Martin’s smile widened, tension visibly leaving his shoulders.  
“Of course I remember, it’s not like I never paid attention to -“  
He stopped abruptly, gulping. Rasmus quickly looked away, trying not to show his doubts to Martin.  
And there was the problem you had to deal with when you unanimously decided to ignore an issue as large as an unlucky breakup between two inexperienced men who hadn’t known how to properly express their love to each other. Sometimes you tripped over topics so huge and fatal, they threatened to break your legs.  
There was a short silence in which they emptied their mugs and acted like Martin hadn’t mentioned anything painful, then Rasmus said:  
“I think I’d like to have a 6 euro waffle. If that’s okay with you.”  
“Sure!” Martin blurted immediately. “I’ll pay for it!”  
Rasmus shook his head, even though his heart had leapt.  
“You really don’t need to. You paid for the hot chocolate already.”  
“Okay, but if I let you pay that ridiculous price, I’ll have it on my conscience for the rest of my life and I don’t want that,” Martin laughed.  
It was a funny thing, hearing Martin talk about his conscience. A new thing, so incredibly new that Rasmus didn’t have the strength to argue any longer, eager to see whether Martin was serious - serious about all of this. He grabbed the mugs, placed them on the counter, got his four euros in change, and prompted Rasmus to walk along with him.  
Martin bought Rasmus the waffle, presenting it to him with such brightly shining eyes that Rasmus was sure they wouldn’t stop blinding him ever again. Eventually, when they had seen every last corner of the market and Martin had made sure that Rasmus really didn’t feel the need to stay any longer, he invited him to go Christmas shopping at a nearby mall. Rasmus hesitated for a moment, scared he might step into the past too far, until he realized he wouldn’t have had the heart to reject Martin anyway. Not with the Swede’s beautiful blue eyes still shining in his mind. 

They arrived at the shopping mall half an hour later, bellies filled with candy and warm beverages, feeling a little less cold and a little more comfortable around each other. Rasmus learned that his former worries about experiencing the most awkward and embarrassing repetition of history he ever would had been utterly wrong; he found himself having the best, most beautiful time he had had for a while.  
It wasn’t a surprise entirely. Even after their breakup, the two men had never hated each other. They hadn’t even grown apart as much as you’d expect a former couple to do, they simply had turned to live next to each other instead of together. It had been a hard change for Rasmus at first, but after a while, he had grown used to it. Seeing Martin play on stage, shaking his hand, smiling the happiest of smiles at him every time they did, still wasn’t exactly easy for him, considering his feelings for Martin had never really left. But he could deal with it. Despite all the eventual maturity and respect and acceptance between them, it wasn’t like the breakup had been out of nowhere either. Rasmus still remembered all too clearly every time Martin had stood him up, had ignored his wishes and desires, had left him alone when he needed him the most - all without any apparent reason to justify it. Rasmus had tried to talk to Martin about the issue, again and again, but he never confronted the certain doom they were headed into, couldn’t seem to do so - and so, when it eventually came, there was not much to be discussed. Nothing to be worked up about. Rasmus had simply left, left Fnatic, left his boyfriend, left the painful history of doing everything for someone who didn’t even care to ask about your well-being.

Now, Martin seemed to be another person.  
Kind, considerate, earnest.  
Nothing like the person Rasmus had known and left two years ago.  
“Okay, so, do you have a present for Miky already?” Martin asked as they entered the building. “Because I don’t and I have absolutely no idea what to get him.”  
Rasmus grinned, delighted at the thought of Martin asking him for advice. He rarely ever did before.  
“I don’t,” Rasmus answered. “But I have an idea. We could get him something together, maybe?”  
Rasmus knew it was a simple offer, something unimportant and not especially gracious - but it felt like a truce to him. Martin nodded immediately.  
“Oh, that would be so nice actually. What did you have in mind?”  
“It’s a weeb-thing. Don’t worry, I’ll show you.”  
Martin laughed as Rasmus dragged him into the next shop, radiating the most incredible heat despite the ever-present cold.

Another hour later, they were carrying so many bags of presents that it seemed like the both of them had made it their goal to replace Santa Claus himself. They were grinning and laughing, sharing stories from past holidays, from the past two years without each other’s company. Rasmus couldn’t believe he had been worried to go out with Martin, their time together feeling like an odd mix of the familiar and the unknown, sometimes a little awkward but never painful or burdensome. Martin truly seemed to be trying hard to make Rasmus feel comfortable, asking him about his life, about his opinions, about his emotions. But it never felt intrusive, never went too close - never crossed the line to ask him about their breakup. Martin avoided the topic like the plague, always shying away from it as soon as it appeared to be within reach. Not wanting to destroy their closeness, Rasmus let Martin go. He understood the subject’s touchiness after all and didn’t feel confident enough to talk about it himself. But they would have to address the issue eventually - to ignore it, just like Martin had chosen to ignore the problems in their past relationship, would only bring them even more pain. Rasmus didn’t want that for either of them, no matter how badly Martin had hurt him back then.

❆ ❆ ❆

_“I still need to buy something for Mads,” Rasmus said, urging Martin to hurry along with him. According to the Swede, they had only twenty minutes left until they needed to take the bus back to the gaming house for Martin to arrive on time. They had rushed through the shops, never batting an eye at things Martin deemed unimportant, despite Rasmus needing to buy the presents.  
“Don’t you need to buy anything?” he asked at some point. Maybe Martin had finished his Christmas shopping already.  
“Oh, I, uh…” Martin stammered, seeming a little caught off guard. “I have the presents for my family, I still need to… get something for all of you.”  
Rasmus stopped in his tracks, looking at Martin with his eyebrows furrowed.  
“All of you?”  
“Yeah, you know, the team and all.”  
Rasmus felt his heart crumbling, his already strained day becoming worse.  
“I’m part of ‘the team and all’?”  
Martin sighed and ran a hand through his carefully styled hair. There was not a single strand out of place, and somehow, that suddenly angered Rasmus. He had enough time to immaculately style his hair to sit in front of the PC all day, but not enough time to spend with his boyfriend.  
“You are, no? Have I missed something?”  
“Actually, you seem to be missing a lot of things,” Rasmus blurted, more snappily than he had intended.  
“What?”  
Martin looked honestly confused.  
“Nothing, I just thought your boyfriend might mean something special to you.”  
“Rasmus, what? Of course you mean something -“  
He halted, then continued in his usual completely dry tone. “Are you really angry because I haven’t bought a present for you yet?”  
Rasmus couldn’t believe Martin really didn’t seem to get that the problem here wasn’t his irresponsible procrastination of buying Christmas gifts for his friends - even though this fact annoyed Rasmus immensely as well.  
“No, I’m not,” Rasmus said, trying to keep his calm. He decided to give Martin a chance to redeem himself. “But while we’re talking about it, have you even thought about what you want to get me for Christmas?”  
Martin looked at Rasmus as if he had just asked him to run around naked in front of the Brandenburg gate.  
“Of course I have,” he retorted.  
“Okay and what is it?”  
“I won’t tell you, it’s a present.”  
Rasmus let out a groan of frustration, starting to walk again. He realized they were standing in the middle of the mall, tons of people bustling around them, trying to buy presents for their loved ones. Unlike Martin, Rasmus thought. Maybe this wasn’t exactly the proper place for a couple to have a fight.  
“Okay, Rasmus, I’m sorry,” Martin said, as he caught up to Rasmus.  
“You’re sorry?” Rasmus mumbled. He hadn’t heard that for a long time.  
“Yes, I’m sorry, you’re right. I don’t know what to get you for Christmas yet.”  
Rasmus wanted to blurt: Is that really your confession? Because I knew that already. He remained silent instead, letting Martin continue.  
“I was thinking about giving you money for a present so you could buy something yourself, so I wouldn’t get you something you wouldn’t like-“  
“Are you serious?” Rasmus stopped again, voice raised to an unusual volume. Faces around them turned to the couple. “You can’t even come up with a gift for your boyfriend?”  
At least Martin didn’t have the audacity to retort something now. He looked at Rasmus with his stupid beautifully styled hair, his disgustingly pretty eyes, obviously not wanting to bother with explaining anything.  
“Oh. I mean, as long as you win the next split, nothing else matters, right?”  
“I mean… yeah, but -“  
Rasmus almost dropped the presents he had bought. He wished he could throw them into Martin’s face. Instead, he let out an exasperated breath, turning to the exit.  
“You know what? Let’s go home. We can take one bus earlier.”  
Martin hurried after Rasmus, barely managing to keep up.  
“Rasmus, look, I -“  
“It’s okay,” Rasmus said, not stopping for a single second. In fact, he sped up. “You need to be at the office at six. Let’s make sure you don’t disappoint anyone.” _

❆ ❆ ❆

Back at the gaming house, Martin and Rasmus flopped down onto the couch, their shopping bags next to them, laughter echoing loudly through the halls of the flat. Luckily no one else seemed to be here yet, so they had the place all to themselves; Rasmus was planning to finally ask Martin about his intentions behind the… yes, date. Rasmus dared to call it a date.  
“Martin, can I ask you something?” he said, nervously shifting across the couch. There was only a meter of distance between him and his former boyfriend, yet it felt like they were suddenly sitting kilometers apart.  
“Of course,” Martin answered a little hesitantly, his rapidly fading smile showing that he probably expected what was to come. “Shoot.”  
“Okay, uh…” Rasmus started. “I really don’t want to ruin this but…” He saw Martin gulping. “I feel like I’m reliving something that I had already buried deep in the back of my mind, and I know you do too.”  
Martin sank into the couch. Rasmus watched him falter in front of his eyes. He wanted to reach out immediately, to reassure his friend. He hadn’t meant it that way.  
“I’m sorry,” Martin said before Rasmus could improve his statement. “I really tried to make up for the last time. I know I’ve been an ass.”  
“Oh, no, you were… alright,” Rasmus said, really meaning “You were the biggest asshole I’ve ever met.”  
“Okay, don’t lie to me, we’re through with that, no?” Martin replied, smiling halfheartedly. “I was an asshole and you know it just as well as I do.”  
“Okay, maybe a little,” Rasmus admitted. “You wanted to give me money to buy my own present,” he added.  
Martin laughed dryly, lowering his gaze.  
“Yeah, about that…” He sighed. “I know it made me seem like the biggest dick, but really, I was only scared like shit that I would buy the wrong thing and then you’d be mad at me.”  
Rasmus raised his brows.  
“Why would I have been mad at you because of something stupid like that?”  
“Because… you were so invested. And I… had no idea what you liked because… just like you said, I hadn’t paid any attention. I knew I would fuck up. So I didn’t want to try.”  
Now Rasmus couldn’t help but reach out to Martin. He carefully stroked his upper arm, letting his thumb rub up and down.  
“Oh, Martin, come on, it’s...”  
“No, it’s not okay. I never even realized what a huge asshole I was. I mean, do you still remember what I said when we got back to the gaming house?”  
Rasmus remained silent for a moment, then sighed.  
“Yeah… I do…”

❆ ❆ ❆

_Martin and Rasmus entered the office in complete silence, the tension between them running incredibly high. Rasmus hadn’t dared to say another thing, not during the whole bus ride or their way up the staircase, knowing Martin would only say something to make everything worse, like he always did. But now that Martin and Rasmus were dropping their shoes and jackets, their failed plans for the day right in front of them, he couldn’t help but blurt:  
“What is it you need to be here for anyway?”  
“Oh,” Martin mumbled, as he shuffled into the direction of his desk. “It’s just… uh…”  
The realization dawned on Rasmus, making him even angrier than he had been before. How did Martin manage to disappoint him further and further, even then, when Rasmus thought there was nothing to be disappointed at anymore?  
“Don’t tell me you wanted to go home because of solo queue.”  
Martin remained silent.  
“Oh my god, you’re really serious…”  
Rasmus stormed into the living room, not sure whether he wanted to cry or scream or do both. Martin rushed after him.  
“Rasmus, calm down…”  
“I am calm!” Rasmus almost yelled. “Sorry that I’m disappointed because my boyfriend would rather sit in front of the PC for twelve hours, doing the same thing he does every day, instead of spending more than an hour with me?”  
“Look, I went with you, we -“  
Rasmus interrupted his boyfriend.  
“You went with me after you literally forgot our date, the one we had planned for weeks. You spent the entire time either on your phone or shooing me along, and you insulted me in probably every single way possible.”  
He took a deep breath, trying to regain his composure.  
“Oh, well, but thank you for going with me, I’m sure that was a great sacrifice for you, I appreciate it.”  
He quickly added: “In case you didn’t notice, that was sarcasm.”  
“I didn’t plan anything,” Martin tried to defend himself.  
“Maybe that’s the problem,” Rasmus retorted.  
“Maybe, if you had asked me about what I wanted, you would have known that this isn’t my thing.”  
“Maybe, if you’d ever spare me a single minute of your day, you’d know that this really meant a lot to me and that you sometimes have to do things that you don’t like for the people you love.”  
“Well, maybe…” Martin started, suddenly stuttering. “Maybe… you…” He threw a sad glance at Rasmus.  
“What are you trying to say? That I don’t love you?”  
Rasmus almost let out a bitter laugh, tears clouding his vision.  
“No. That’s what you said to me with this entire day.”  
“Because I didn’t buy you a Christmas present yet?”  
“Are you still on about the present?”  
“No, you are!”  
“Oh, for God’s sake, Martin!” Rasmus finally exploded. “This isn’t about presents or Christmas or anything else like that. This is about you treating me like I’m some stranger, like you don’t care about me at all!”  
“So you are saying I don’t love you?” Martin asked angrily.  
“I don’t know, maybe I am.”  
“Well, then, maybe I don’t,” Martin shouted.  
The two men glared at each other, then Martin turned around and fled the living room. Rasmus sat alone on the couch, shocked, crying and heartbroken._

_“Maybe I don’t.”_

❆ ❆ ❆

“Maybe I don’t,” Rasmus repeated.  
“Yeah,” Martin sighed. “I was a dick.”  
“You were.”  
Rasmus didn’t even try to deny it now, letting all courtesy fall to the wayside. Martin still looked incredibly sad, so he moved a bit closer, his hands not leaving his friend’s arm for a single second.  
“I was one, too,” Rasmus mumbled. “You were right, I didn’t ask you what you wanted and then, I didn’t even really let you talk.”  
Martin shook his head.  
“I provoked you. Don’t take the blame.”  
He bit his lip, obviously struggling to find the right words. Rasmus decided to help him out again.  
“Today was nice,” he said. “No, wait. Not nice. It was wonderful.”  
“Really?” Martin asked, smiling a little.  
“Really. It was exactly like I had imagined our date to go back then.”  
“I’m glad,” Martin sighed, moving closer to Rasmus as well. “I tried really hard.”  
“I know, and I appreciate that. Thank you so much.”  
“Don’t thank me. I was just trying to fix what I fucked up.”  
“Two years after it happened?”  
“It took me a while to realize, okay?”  
The two men smiled at each other, a little insecurely.  
“Rasmus, can I ask you something now?” Martin eventually mumbled.  
“Of course,” he replied.  
“Do you think we might still have another chance?”  
Rasmus’s heart skipped a beat.  
Of course he had known what this date had been hinting at the whole day, the way Martin and Rasmus treated each other when no one was around, the way they looked and smiled at each other, the way they flinched every time they touched. Nonetheless, the direct question surprised him a little. He decided to answer honestly, by closing the distance between him and his former boyfriend, hugging him shortly and then giving him a kiss on the cheek.  
“That would be the greatest Christmas present of all time,” he answered, meaning “I’m sure we do.”  
As Martin wrapped his arms around Rasmus once again, pulling him close to bury his face in his neck and whispering a tentative “I love you”, Rasmus knew that backing out had never been an option. Even earlier that day, Rasmus had probably known full well how the trip would develop and joined it subconsciously eagerly. He had known that Martin wouldn’t make the same mistakes and he had known that their relationship wouldn’t ever define itself through distance and absence ever again. Martin had changed and so had Rasmus, and maybe, just maybe, change was the greatest Christmas gift there was.


End file.
